Years ago, I was married and my ex-wife and I were pretty open when it came to sex, and all things related. Our marriage was a sham, but our sex life was beyond healthy. I am a perfect example of how great sex can keep a guy around through a terrible relationship. Of course, all shitty things will come to an end, and that I have zero qualms about.
I am easily the horniest guy that I know. I am down to slay some pussy, anytime, any where, and I will NEVER turn down sex with my girl. One particular morning, my ex-wife was taking a shower and I woke up, feeling beyond horny. Typical Kenny. Well, I crept into the bathroom and hopped into the shower with the lady. While pretending to wash up, I started in on some standard foreplay. This is always a good way to avoid pissing your girl off; just a trick I learned after being married to the spawn of Satan. After I got the girl worked into the mood, I went for the “bent over in the shower” move. Pretty standard operating procedure for me, but I was in no mood for being “typical.” I was having a stressful week at work, and I needed to take out some aggression. This was definitely an opportunity for anal. The wife and I had done just about everything that you can imagine, in regards to sex, and anal was anything but taboo in this relationship. At first, I tried spitting on her ass, but the water from the shower head, kept washing the spit off. Water is never an acceptable lubricant, so after a bit of fussing with her glory hole, she told me just to squirt some lotion or shower gel onto her ass.
Hey, who am I to argue with the lady? I grabbed the nearest bottle, and shot a glob of creamy goo on her ass, took a step back to gauge my aim, and proceeded to bury every inch of my cock, inside of her. Upon reaching full on nut to butt entry, I felt a sharp pain in my dick. I immediately pulled out and began yelling. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” My ex dropped to the floor of the shower and curled into the fetal position. She was screeching in shear pain and I felt a burn on my dick that I just can not describe. I was still gripping on to the bottle that dispensed that product of terror, and as I read the front label of the plastic demon, I couldn’t believe my eyes. ‘Peppermint Foot Scrub.’ FUCK! There had to have been ten bottles of product in my shower, and the one that I pick is fucking foot scrub, with an added holiday burn. It was like jacking off with a 1000 grit wet sand paper, and pouring mouth wash on my dick, afterward.
I ripped the shower head from it’s base, and rinsed my cock off the best that I could. The burn lessened, but would not go away. I jumped out of the shower and laid on the bed, doing my best to control my breathing. My ex continued screaming obscenities at me, as she laid in the shower, in pain.
My dick was raw and tender for the next few days, and never again will I use anything other than spit or lube, to prep a hole for penetration. -KennyKill